You are 18 years old. Fresh out of high school expecting a brighter than bright future as you enroll in the campus of your dreams. Everything looks super-duper good. You can't wait to experience adulting.
A few years on, you clock 22. No one tells you this, but you can feel it chocking the life out of you. It's the quarter life crisis. It hits you bad. There are so many things, no, too many things to figure out and you are on your own: A 22-year-old and sacks of worries weighing you down.
As a 22-year-old lady, my sack consists of:
1. I'm a few months from graduating. What was I doing in college exactly? What is my purpose, really?
2. Has my campus experience readied me for the world out there? Is life too fast? Or am I too slow!
3. Will I ever realize my dreams? Are dreams too overrated?
4. I have been dating this guy for the better part of my campus life, is he the ideal life, partner? Have I been wasting my time all along? He is kinda slow, should I dump him?
5. Should I leave him and go to the next guy, will the person I chose eventually take advantage of me, leave me crumbling and hating all men.
6. Can I hack this marriage thing? As a child of divorce, will it last long enough for me to reap maximum benefits, whatever those are?
7. Am I fertile? Seriously am I?
8. If yes, will I have a protruding appendage before a ring on my finger? Kenyan men, you know...
9. What if I'm actually into girls? Will I be banished from my family, clan, society? I find it intriguing still.
10. What is womanhood?
11. When is my time to win coming? All my friends have either secured a job or running a successful enterprise and seem to have it all together. Or happily hitched...Or they seem for now. I'm happy for them but what about me?
12. Will I ever be independent? Is it even worth being independent? Oh bills, how will I ever settle you all?
13. What if a rich man decides to make me a housewife, should I take the offer?
14. Dee is a video vixen and she's doing alright. If a job doesn't come along and I'm unable to create my own, I could twerk or become an Instagram celebrity. As some professions die, others soar. Is it wrong?
15. Is it time I try out a sponsor? Does it make me have loose morals when all I'm trying to do is succeed? Besides, I'm already having sex with a guy who probably has other sexual partners, how about getting paid for it? Okay, that makes me sound like a prostitute, or does it?
16. How soon can I afford a menstrual cup? This investment will be my contribution to the environment. Also, I simply hate how sanitary towels can end up burning you.
17. There has been to go natural... Skin, hair, diet, you name it. Should I dye my hair blonde or chop it all together? Shave my eyebrows maybe? Oh wait, I could get a septum piercing.
18. Am I sexy enough? You know, Suzie got herself butt implants, she looks kinda nice... My body is okay but we can always do better?
19. Have I been a good daughter for the 22 years I've been on earth? I mean, I haven't been shitty rude like some of the whiteness people have adopted but did I do it right? Do my parents need compensation for parenting.
20. Am I the right model to my siblings?
21. Are my friends really my friends? I have run out of ways determining the genuine. They are always looking for me when it's convenient for them. Carla is up to my throat...
22. Of everything, I'm doing, what will come back to haunt me? What does the future hold?
God, I know our relationship hasn't been great. I want to reach out to you, have you console me in these turbulent times but I fail. I hope I don't run out of time. I would like to end up in heaven.
Honestly, I'm scared out of life knowing I have to do life.
By REHEMA ZUBERI
